Two months into the new year and I have once again watched everyone I know slough off the "resolution" they made December 31…except me. I rule. With that said, with that monstrously arrogant sentence said, I feel I should qualify: I hate New Year’s resolutions. They are designed to fail, and they make people look weak—unless, of course, you are me. I got smart this year and made my very first resolution. I made one I felt I could adhere to: I resolved to eat more fried chicken in 2009 than I did last year.

I have already met my goal handily, and I am still on it. I don't remember anywhere in the rules suggesting that a resolution had to be a painful or unpleasant thing…and I have combed through the small print. I always got the impression that the unwritten was that the resolution was supposed to be good for you, and with my increased fried chicken intake, I am most definitely happier. What could be better than that? Next on the 2009 agenda: Determine why my clothes are shrinking. (Global warming?)