Half my Google alerts are dead Helen Ellises. Every few months, my email delivers obituaries, a veritable kick-the-bucket list of women who have shared my name. Many of them lived past ninety and died at home in their beds surrounded by loved ones. Most had been married and outlived their husbands. Most had children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. But like snowflakes, each Helen Ellis had something special that set her apart.
Helen Ellis of Sand Springs, Oklahoma, starched and ironed jeans to the point they stood on their own. Helen Ellis of Hughes Springs, Texas, had a doll collection that filled two rooms of her house. Helen Ellis of Manhattan, Kansas, was a cheerleader, synchronized swimmer, and prom queen attendant. Helen Ellis of Brookhaven, Mississippi, joined the army, made sergeant, and served for twenty-one years.
Helen Ellis of Pleasant View, Tennessee, gave thirty years to Acme Boot Company. Helen Ellis of Gloversville, New York, gave forty years to Merchants National Bank. Helen Ellis of Hot Springs, Arkansas, gave fifty-two years to Firestone tires.
Helen Ellis of Bangor, Maine, named her hair salon after herself, and Helen Ellis of Sumter, South Carolina, named her cleaning service after herself.
Helen Ellis of Ann Arbor, Michigan, was a psychiatric nurse. Helen Ellis of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, was a nurse’s assistant. Helen Ellis of Denham Springs, Louisiana, was a JCPenney bookkeeper. Helen Ellis of Broad Creek, North Carolina, was a Walmart cashier and made the best German chocolate cake. Helen Ellis of Selah, Washington, ran the 4-H club snow cone booth.
Helen Ellis of Plainfield, Indiana, won apple pie prizes. Helen Ellis of Greenfield, Indiana, won a free-throw contest underhanded while her sister held her skirt.
Helen Ellis of Weems, Virginia, was an expert seamstress. Helen Ellis of Shelby, North Carolina, was an expert quilter. Helen Ellis of Lignite, North Dakota, was a keen bowler. Helen Ellis of Vernon, Connecticut, liked to go to the casino. Helen Ellis of Washington, West Virginia, played bingo, and Helen Ellis of Tucson, Arizona, played trumpet. Helen Ellis of Charleston, West Virginia, was a Point Lick Gospel Tabernacle member. Helen Ellis of Anderson, Indiana, sang with her sisters on the radio.
Helen Ellis of Elk Park, North Carolina, listened to Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, or gospel. Helen Ellis of Wilmington, North Carolina, listened to Celine Dion.
Most Helens’ obituaries picture them at their oldest, with soft wrinkled faces and cotton-candy hair. But the cheerleader’s family posted what looks like a black-and-white high school portrait. The psychiatric nurse’s family posted a Kodachrome image of her in an orange-red sweater and what appears to be matching Revlon Fire & Ice lipstick. The nurse’s assistant’s kin chose a picture of her wearing a gold sequined halter top and matching chandelier earrings.
Mama, my favorite Helen Ellis, used to say, “Oh, Helen Michelle, if you go first, I want to publish the picture of you at four years old next to a goat at the petting zoo.” Papa had written on the back in ballpoint: “Helen Michelle is the one on the left.”
But Mama went first.
For her obituary, I chose her law school class picture from when she earned her degree at forty-three from the University of Alabama. She is beaming in an eighties ladies’ blazer with a Princess Di haircut. There were so many things that were special about her, but here’s some of what I chose to include in her 2023 memorial:
Helen Ellis of Yazoo City, Mississippi, believed in simple pleasures and embraced adventure. She would leave anonymous Valentines in your mailbox and kept a Whitman’s Sampler in her dresser drawer. She loved birds, pigs, goats, and old dogs. When she was a child, she had forty-five cats. When she was in college, she traveled to hear Malcolm X speak. When she was single, she lived on a houseboat and waited tables in a national forest. She was married for fifty-five years, and with her last words told her daughters to stay beautiful on the inside and stay married to men who—like her husband—love you, love what you do, and say go for it.
See, all Helen Ellises are not the same. But through their obituaries, I’ve learned to live as I want to be remembered.
Helen Ellis is a Garden & Gun contributing editor and the author of five books, including the national bestseller American Housewife and Southern Lady Code. Raised in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, she lives in New York City with her husband, Lex.
