Transcript of the video

[00:00:00] I’m Calder Clark, and I’m here to dish all my back pocket secrets. I’m a destination wedding designer based out of Charleston, South Carolina. So I’m here today to be dishing all my insider tips, hot takes, back pocket secrets relating to ultra luxury weddings. What’s the one thing that a bride should invest in if they do nothing else? That’s so easy. Photography. The very best photographer you can buy period end of story. But the one tangible thing you’ll always have is your photos to like, show the grandkids, if you will. And I think I’ve seen too many things go awry with picking sort of a lowest common denominator or cutting corners on this creative partner selection that I just know too much. It’s so important to be thinking about bulletproof blooms for your boutonnieres, for your bouquets and your arrangements. That’s a great question. There’s a lot of things that my clients love that really just don’t belong in arrangements unless you’re working with like faux product. Which is great in the ceilings of big dramatic installations, which we’re doing all the time. So here are the things that girls love: camellias, magnolias, gardenias. All these yummy southern blooms. They don’t want to be cut. They they’re going to brown and they’re not going to be beautiful in these things. On the opposite side of the spectrum, you have things like David Austin roses or things that are really strong to begin with. So think about what lasts for you in your home.

[00:01:32] That’s what’s going to last in your bouquets and boutonnieres and arrangements too. The other thing I think people forget to think about is if you’re going to be in a tented environment, which so many people are, or say you’re having a beautiful outdoor ceremony, you have to think about the UV considerations. So if sun can burn our skin, it can also burn your flowers. And so these things cannot go out days ahead of time, even hours ahead of time. We’re constantly trying to protect them before they’re in a tented environment. So always be looking for hardy. And I started in catering, so I’m always going to be your go to on food and drink. The things that guests love are hot, and I know you might be having a seasonally warm wedding. Maybe you are a June bride or whatnot, and I understand, but people just really don’t go for our little vegetarian vegan moments like these, you know, a slice of cucumber filled with something healthy. It just goes in the trash. And so still to this day, weddings are not for diets. P.S. they’re not for diets. They’re for having a little fun. And your guests have come to have a great time too, and probably not to count calories. So I do think people are looking for 1 or 2 bites. So very petite, but super rich, super hearty, and kind of canvassing the whole gamut of different things out there.

[00:02:46] So whether something is steak or something is cheesy or something is seafood or whatnot. It’s great to kind of cover all of that. So that’s what’s popular is breadth, depth, heat, a little bit of interest. Maybe doing something clever that’s from your family recipes or history of cooking as a family and entertaining that way. And then drinks. There’s definitely what’s hot and what’s not. I think people really just want access to something icey right away after a ceremony. And so that might look like a little bar relief too. It could be a beautiful, a beautifully garnished ice water or a club soda or something just light. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be alcoholic. And then obviously always passing the bubbles, you know, because when in Rome or a white wine or something just refreshing. So yeah, just keeping it easy. And what would you want if you just left a ceremony and you’re a little bit parched? That’s what people have to be thinking of. On the topic of what’s hot and what’s not with food and bev, can we just, can we just go there for a second? I think that this is such a fun day and age, because people are coming to us to sort of create this wedding reception that’s a reflection of their favorite restaurants. You know, I don’t I don’t have a single client who doesn’t mention a dish they’ve had at some fabulous spot in New York, or their favorite meal in Napa, or wherever they got engaged somewhere fantastic abroad or whatnot.

[00:04:10] And they bring these things to me and I’m like, let’s bring that into the seat at dinner. These things don’t have to be dry and they don’t have to be surf and turf. And so, I mean, here’s an example, we had a project out west and the caterer said we should really do bone marrow shooters. And I was like, that’s so slick and so fun. I wonder if people will go for it, but let’s try. And so we did it anyway. We took a risk and everybody went for it. 250 guests were plowing through the bone marrow shooters where you thought maybe only 30 would be brave enough to try it. So caviar bumps and taco trucks and all these little nuanced things just give a little energy and a little appropriate tension to the wedding, that there’s just something fun to try. It’s so playful, I love it. Okay, you asked about the secret trick. The one that pops to mind is we always have a personality hire. Ridiculous. So basically, there’s always going to be a sticky wicket at the wedding. There is someone coming to your wedding reception who has misperceived that this wedding and this weekend are all about them. And appropriately, my team steps into place to put an ego manager on said person. And it could be for any myriad of reasons.

[00:05:18] Honestly, sometimes someone has just gone through a lot of loss or is just suffering. Maybe they’ve just lost their job and they’re just frustrated. Or maybe they’ve had a little bit too much fun during the evening. There are a million stories. We’ll save them for another day. But we always have someone whose whole job is to make guests incredibly comfortable, not the wedding party and the couple and their parents. Of course, someone is shadowing all of them. But someone who’s on the lookout for someone who’s kind of maybe standing alone, not having a great time and possibly trying to disrupt the smoothness of the evening. And we just want to get our arms around them quite literally. And make them realize it’s going to be a good night and that they don’t have to ruffle any feathers. The best wedding hack. This is nuanced. This is something that my peers and I talk about all the time. In recent years, we’ve gotten really firm about deploying this part of our creative team. I don’t know if it’s a hack as much as a must have. But it is that someone, whether it’s your aunt or your sister or a really close family friend or a quote unquote proper team that we’ve helped you hire. Someone’s job is to be steaming, pressing, the ability to sew, to sew you into your gown, to get you out of your gown, when you rip your gown all the way up your leg to your hip five minutes before the ceremony to help assist with that.

[00:06:50] If you can imagine that it would happen, it could and it will. And if you don’t have plans B, C, and D in contingency ready to roll out, then you’re going to be stuck. And so this didn’t used to be a thing. 20 years ago, when I was married, this just was something that fell to your mother or grandmother whoever in the room maybe had a sewing machine. And now, thank goodness there are awesome teams across the country, nay, the world, who can be deployed to help you do all of these things. And it’s great because if you think about it, it’s like beyond just you. Of course, the bride needs that kind of care and attention. She’s probably got a 50 pound gown that’s been hand beaded for six months. Amazing. And then two more attire changes. Good for her, for sure. But beyond that, it makes people feel really loved and special that, on a Thursday afternoon, there’s someone whose whole job is to come collect all of the groomsmen tuxes and get rid of any lumps, bumps. The seam on the back where the vent it’s never been seem ripped or they’re missing a bow tie, or they’re missing a cummerbund or a cufflink. That this is someone’s job, that to me, is the ultimate hack.

[00:07:50] So a behind the scenes moment. Let’s talk about I could come up with a million that reflect how high touch and high level my team is when we’re coming in to cover you up with love and connection and community and all of that good stuff for the wedding weekend. But this one I’m going to give to my mother in law. So many years ago, my mother in law said, “Come out to the beach. Let’s sit side by side. I’m going to make some chicken salad and maybe pour some bubbles. Yay, bubbles. And let’s get our guest list and go over it.” And I’m thinking, my God, this is the last thing I want to do today. You know, you’re a busy bride, you’re stressed, you’re working, you’re like sure, great. And but you obey because this is your future mother in law. And so I did, and I we got side by side and she handed me her list like kind of that she’d originally generated. And I gave her mine. And we just went name by name. And I realized what she was trying to do was tell me who people were. So especially if you’re having a wedding bigger than, say, 75 people, there’s going to be a lot of people who are attending your wedding who are dear friends of your future in-laws, or like distant cousins who are really special to your future spouse that you just don’t know and haven’t had a chance to meet yet.

[00:09:02] And they’re on your dance floor with you, and they’re they’re celebrating with you at the altar or wherever you’re getting married, and they’re standing up for your relationship. And so when our wedding rolled around I saw different people’s faces in the crowd and knew exactly who I was looking at and who we were talking about, even if we had to Facebook them. And then I knew the relationship so that I appeared as a gracious hostess or guest of honor. And the guest experience and hospitality and graciousness, that’s what everyone wants to be dealing in these days. And so that’s my hot take. That’s what I think people should be doing. What is essential and what is unnecessary? I think it still shocks me to this day, and I understand that I do this for a living, so I’m coming at it from a different perspective. But I hear these horror stories and from professionals and non-professionals alike. It shocks me that people misperceived having a tent on rain reserve and how powerful that is. So it’s going to rain if you don’t have a plan. Period. In fact, the less you plan for it, the more potential there is. There’s got to be some sort of law for that, some law of physics.

[00:10:08] And so the deal is typically with almost any tenting vendor, you have to put down a 50% of that rain reserve tent, and that is theirs to keep, even if you never put that tent up. And I think people just that can be a pretty sporty number. And people don’t want to pay that because they feel like they’re almost jinxing it. It’s the other way around. If you don’t, it will rain. And on top of that, I feel like people must perceive that you can just pop a tent up. Tents are most often suspension tents, and they take an army of people to put up and many, many hours. So there isn’t this like, let’s make this call on Saturday at 2 p.m. vibe. Unless you’re talking about like, people are thinking about a tailgate tent. You know what I’m saying? This is not an SEC football game, guys. The thing that you didn’t think was essential, that definitely is a rain reserve tent. What is a great vendor secret? There are many. The one that springs to mind is, well, first of all, you’ve heard it said that lighting is everything. It is everything. And an old trick I picked up from our lighting and sound teams is to have gaffe tape on hand at all times. Gaffe is g-a-f-f-e if we’re going to have a spelling moment. It is stronger than duct tape. And you know the phrase about duct tape. If you can’t duck it, well, it’s the same with gaffe. And gaffe can basically I mean it’s going to keep someone’s wig on okay.

[00:11:32] It’s fantastic if you have curling rugs in the humidity. Let’s say you have beautiful antique oushaks underneath your furniture lounges, and they’re starting to curl up on the corners. We’re going to gaffe that down. And so also, my lighting and sound team is always going to triple pin spot all of my blooms. So when you see imagery of a pretty wedding during the day and then you don’t love the imagery of it at night. It is likely that they didn’t really get a lot of guidance on what to do with their lighting package, for lack of a better word. They didn’t know that they need to shutter the light down long estate tables so that they need to have soft up lighting on the sides of a building or within a tent, and then they need down lighting so you can see your food. And all of that doesn’t have to be a mystery. It’s something that I think everybody deserves to have and know more about and get educated on and have. But if nothing else, get yourself a roll of gaffe tape from Home Depot. What is the solution for the bug situation? We all know that no-see-ums come out at like 5 o’clock. It’s like clockwork. This is going to sound a little drastic, but it’s the truth and we’ve done it with great success. Perhaps just own your stuff and notice that you’re choosing to get married in a balmy month in the southeast, and you’re going to have, like, a 5 o’clock ceremony.

[00:12:50] Either find a lovely indoor location or create a climate controlled environment in a tent with glass and AC and all the things that people are comfortable. If that’s not, you know, on the docket, that’s totally fine. Perhaps move your ceremony start time. And we do this with a lot of our Catholic families, and it works beautifully. Which looks like a 2 or 3 o’clock ceremony. You’re skipping all the bugs and then let people go home, back to the hotel, etc.. Change. Have their first cocktail. Just chill for a little bit. If you leave a nice enough gap it’s not that weird. If you make it too short, it is weird. Let them then come back to a big, fabulous cocktail party leading into a gorgeous dinner a little bit later, like 6 or 7:00 at night when the bugs have settled down. That, and like Picaridin, basically hose yourself down. I mean, this is not a wedding is not the time to be on a health kick. I’ve said this about the food, the bev. I’ll say it about the bugs. Hose yourself down and go have a good time. Subtle little touches to make a wedding feel elevated. I mean, there are a million. You know, my girls love candlelight. My moms, my girls, my grooms. Everyone loves a candlelit, flooded environment. And I’m no different. And the funny thing is, given the sunshine, like coming into a venue or the heat of the day, or just the general tomfoolery or length of a whole evening, these tapers and little photos and pillows and whatnot are not made to last for 15 hours.

[00:14:16] If you’ve ever burned candles in your home aside from like, a 50 hour burn time scented candle. These things are not meant to last, so we always do double candles. So let’s say we have a seated dinner flooded with taper light and we see them starting to wind down. Now guests have left the tables to go have a dance party and have a blast on the dance floor. And we are like little ninjas deployed throughout the environment with double tapers. So we’re plucking away the ones that have melted all the way down or about to be there, and relighting fresh ones so that when guests look back. Or maybe you just need like a breath or a moment to step away and be quiet, think about your choices. I’m just kidding. And look back on the good time that people are having. You will not be greeted with tables that are empty because we’ve already eaten and china has been cleared away. So what are people looking at? I don’t want half of your wedding to look sad and kind of cold. And so yeah, I think double candlelight is like one of our back pocket secrets.

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