Ever had a guest leave gum wadded in your hand-embroidered linen napkin? Ever been the guest that left gum in someone’s hand-embroidered linen napkin? (Let’s hope not.)
In honor of the holiday season, we rounded up seven experts in the art of hosting—and party going—and asked them to name a Southern party foul. They did not disappoint. Jon Carloftis and Keith Meacham have strong thoughts on what a bar should offer. Calder Clark can’t stand double dipping into the hors d’oeuvres. Blake Sams has a bone to pick with over-the-top cocktails. Bronson van Wyck detests a self-indulgent toast.
Below, find a list of nineteen Southern party fouls, sprinkled with a few helpful tips (don’t let the ice run out!), concerning guest arrival, conversation etiquette, graceful goodbyes, and everything in between:
On drinks and drinking:
Leaving drink rings on the antiques…ever heard of a coaster? Were you born in a barn? —Charleston-based wedding planner Calder Clark
The best thing I learned from Miss Debbie Long of Dudley’s on Short was to make sure the first drink is prepared especially for the guest. THEN have a bar set up for self-service afterwards along with the bartender continuing to make cocktails for those who want it that way. Not having a beautiful bar setup at a large party is definitely a party foul for me. —master garden designer Jon Carloftis of Lexington, Kentucky
I once went to a party at someone’s apartment in New York and they had a cash bar! Of course, half the guests didn’t have cash because who expects a cash bar at a cocktail party? Fortunately they accepted credit cards. —Keith Meacham, cofounder of Nashville’s Reed Smythe & Company
I personally hate greeting guests with specialty cocktails and not having a full bar available. It’s bizarre to force some colorful, stupid, or sweet cocktail onto someone just because it’s cute. Let people choose their own beverage journey! I prefer to offer butler service or, if casual, just ask, “Can I make you a drink?” —Charlestonian and gala planner Blake Sams of Gregory Blake Sams Events
The bar is the engine of the evening—if it sputters, the party stalls. A good host doesn’t just stock; they curate, ensuring every bottle shines, every garnish is fresh, and no guest has to hunt for a drink, much less pour their own. If staffing is not in the budget, serve DIO. They’re mixologist-level cocktails in a can. Plus: Never underestimate the importance of ice. It’s the silent hero of every drink, and the party stops without it. —Bronson van Wyck, international gala planner and author of Born to Party, Forced to Work: 21st Century Hospitality
On arrival as a guest:
Arriving late and over-dressed and immediately announcing you’re just dropping by en route to another (seemingly?) more fabulous fête. —Calder Clark
You don’t show up to a Southern gathering empty-handed. It’s not about extravagance; it’s about respect. A simple gift, chosen thoughtfully, sets the right tone. —Bronson van Wyck
On food and eating:
Leaving your gum (gasp!) in a hand-embroidered linen cocktail napkin…gauche to the nth power. And flagrant double-dipping on the heavy hors d’oeuvres display. —Calder Clark
I hate menu cards for dinners with ten guests or less. The host should just announce what is being served when guests are taking a seat. Pinterest and Instagram have everyone thinking they need a formal, printed menu card for really simple dinners. It’s reaching! —Blake Sams
On conversation:
Parties are for celebration, not commiseration. Keep your troubles at home—no one came for bad news. Plus: A toast is an honor, not an opportunity. Keep it short, sincere, and free of self-indulgence. If you’re telling a story rather than an anecdote, you’ve already lost the room. —Bronson van Wyck
Asking someone personal questions with zero boundaries like: Are you dating anyone, will you have another baby, have you lost weight…so rude. —G&G style director Haskell Harris
Removing a centerpiece “to see who we’re talking to.” I was just at a party and did all I could to stop a man from putting a tall cherry blossom bouquet on a gym floor. I lost that battle, but told him that our table would forever after be known as “that table.” We are. —Helen Ellis, G&G contributor and Southern etiquette extraordinaire
On leaving:
If you must leave early, keep it discreet. Loud exits and drawn-out goodbyes disrupt the magic of the party and risk deflating the energy like a popped balloon. On the other hand, if the candles are burning low and the host is eyeing the clock, the night is over. —Bronson van Wyck
I’m an introvert, and I appreciate a host who won’t judge me for an Irish goodbye. —Haskell Harris
