Clutter Is a Sign of a Life Well Lived, Says This Virginia-Born Collector

Mary Randolph Carter calls clutter poetry. To her, a house without books—stacked on shelves or scattered across the floor—feels lifeless, devoid of soul. She treasures objects with patina, favoring a “lived-in” look she says she fine-tuned during her childhood in Richmond, Virginia, where she grew up as the oldest of nine in a home on Monument Avenue. 

As a longtime creative director for Ralph Lauren, Carter has spent the last thirty years championing this layered, nostalgic style—a stark contrast to today’s minimalist, Marie Kondo–inspired interiors. But for the author and stylist, the “the joy of junk” runs deeper than aesthetics. Losing all her worldly possessions not once but twice in devastating childhood fires helped instill a reverence for objects and the stories they carry, and she has made it her mission to elevate America’s appreciation for the beauty in imperfection. We caught up with Carter to hear about her design ethos and new book, Live with the Things You Love: And You’ll Live Happily Ever After.

How did your Virginia childhood shape your collecting habits?

It was incredibly formative. We lived in this big three-story brick building on Monument Avenue. On the bottom floor was my family. On the second and third floors lived my grandfather and his sisters. We were all separate households with our own kitchens, but it was just amazing for us children—there were five or six of us by then—to have this close relationship with my mother’s family.

That’s a busy household.

Yes. I had a room on the first floor with my siblings, but I also—maybe because I was the oldest—had a little bedroom nook on the top floor, and that’s where I kept my dollhouse. I’ve always said that the dolls and creating their little environments and their homes out of boxes felt like where I started to write. And now I’m living my doll life.

You have such a respected reputation for your aesthetic and collecting. You even wrote a book titled A Perfectly Kept House is the Sign of Misspent Life. Does this love of things come from losing so many in two home fires?

Probably. It was 1955 on Valentine’s Day. I woke up in the middle of the night and heard my mother screaming. I was on the third floor and the room was filled with smoke. I was just paralyzed—I couldn’t move. In a minute or so, my mother was there and she pulled me down three flights of steps to safety.

That’s harrowing. And then it happened again?

We moved to the Tidewater area to a big converted barn. We started life again. We had a home we called River Barn there. One night while all of us kids were watching Gunsmoke, there was a fire. I grabbed my baby sister and we all raced out of the house. Everyone was spared, but obviously it opened up a lot of wounds and the house burned to the ground. 

I just remember the next morning walking the sandy ash pile footprint and thinking that’s where my parent’s library and all of our childhood books were. I think from that day on, I started rebuilding. Sometimes I’d only remember a book cover, but I’d go into a secondhand bookstore and see something and think, “Oh, I remember that was on the second shelf.”

You eventually graduated from Marymount College and made your way to New York City, where you found work in magazines, then landed the job at Ralph Lauren, and this led you to a thirty-plus year career as the creative director there. But you also kept writing books.

When I was offered the job, I said to Ralph, “At some point I may want to write another book, and I would like to have your permission.” And he said, “Of course—it’s a part of who you are.”

Which brings us to Live with the Things You Love: And You’ll Live Happily Ever After. You’ve commented that you once read that “every single object has a god inside it,” and you believed that. 

Yes. This book is really a celebration of those very humble objects that you’ve collected or someone’s given to you that, if, God forbid, there was another fire, you couldn’t leave behind. What would you grab? Or if you moved, what are the things that really add to your story—through memory or nostalgia?

And you tell that through the homes of interesting people like author Mary Emmerling.

Mary and I started at Mademoiselle magazine together. I love to chat with my friends and tell their stories.

Even if their style is more spare than your extreme collecting approach?

Yes. But I do think we’re leaning back into more comfort and cozy and clutter. Don’t forget, hoarding is an addiction. Collecting is a discipline.

As part of its twenty-fifth anniversary celebration, Virginia’s Crème de la Crème boutique will host Mary Randolph Carter for two book signings: Friday, April 4 from 3-8 p.m. at 3156 W Cary Street in Richmond, and Saturday, April 5 from 2-5 p.m. at 23 E. Washington Street in Middleburg. In celebration of the signing, a curated selection of Carter’s favorite pieces from the shop will be displayed, including a large ceramic cicada, a wildlife salad plate and bowl, and clay guinea hens. “I especially love the colorful ceramic cicadas,” Carter says. “They would definitely add to my happiness!”

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