Perhaps you’ve arisen early some Saturday morning, gone downstairs to bake a fresh pan of buttered biscuits, and then wanted to text your loved ones—probably already awake and scrolling on their phones—to join you. Sure, you could just type: “Biscuits up, get ’em while they’re hot.” But wouldn’t it be so much better if the emoji keyboard wasn’t limited to pancakes and bagels? What if instead your message could look like this?
Or what if your best friend just completed her cancer treatment, and you want to give her a shoutout for the classic Southern-woman strength she’s shown through the process. What do you text her? Prayer hands? A flexed arm? What if you could send this instead?
Or perhaps, if the coronavirus dies down enough to allow for parties, you’re already planning your rescheduled Kentucky Derby soiree for the first weekend in September. Sure, you could text your nearest and dearest to save the date with that racehorse and rose already at your fingertips, but wouldn’t this be more appropriate?
We here at Garden & Gun agree—the dearth of Southern emojis on the current keyboard gives us the vapors. So we commissioned the studio Sunday Büro to help us imagine the options we wish we had access to. Below, our dream lineup.
We’re not sure what the emoji keyboard has against condiments, but there’s only one we really need anyway.
Especially in the summertime, when you’re ready to make a sandwich.
Another warm-weather picnic favorite.
Crushed ice, check. Silver cup, check. Mint sprig, check.
That lackluster emoji straw hat with the green bow just doesn’t bring enough drama come Derby Day.
Give the South’s greatest grain some respect!
Or, like Alice’s Flo, you can tell someone where to get off:
Of course, nothing goes better with some grits than a …
A bagel, a baguette, a croissant, but no biscuit? Good gravy, let’s fix that.
Sometimes it gets so humid in the South we can actually physically feel our hair expanding when we step outside. This emoji feels your pain.
A piece of construction material wouldn’t normally warrant a special commission, but when paired with a…
…the South’s grandest flower—scandalously missing from the keyboard, currently—you can remind all your best gals…
… “You know I love you more than my luggage,” without saying a word.
You’re itching to get out in the field, so what do you text your buddies? That prancing Shiba Inu? The highly coiffed white poodle? Nah. Send them an on-point Good Dog.
We’ve all been there: accepted an invitation you’re not sure you’re up for anymore. You feign illness, to be polite. Or, conversely, you have a friend who always ducks out on plans by doing the same. Here’s a winking way to let your closest friends know you’re perfectly alright, or to let the other attendees know what you suspect your flaky friend is doing.
A Hog in Slop
Staying on the animal theme, this is how happy we’re all going to feel once we can see each other again.